Duck, Duck, Goose

Tues August 6, 2024

Wind: from S 1.5 m/sec (3 mph)

Air Temperature: 19.5 °C (67 °F)

Water Temperature: 23.48 °C (74 °F)

Today at the lake it was calm. Waiting until after 7pm has been working well; there were not many people in the water. 

There were lots of ducks! A couple of moms with their kids were feeding the ducks from the beach. I think it’s not great that people give them bread, but I think it’s a universal impulse. People want to connect and care for the ducks; they think feeding them is helpful or loving. And….not my problem. 

I talked to two guys who were getting ready to swim. I always feel like the mayor of the beach and it’s my job to greet everyone, especially the swimmers. I shoved my shorts, cap, and t-shirt into my tow buoy and wandering into the shallow water. It feels much colder in the evening when the sun isn’t overhead and a cool breeze keeps temps down. 

I dove in and started swimming toward the rope on the outer perimeter of the swim area. There were only two others in the water (the two guys I met), but I still decided to slip under the ropes and swim toward the boat launch. Now that I can swim most of the way there and back it’s boring to me to swim back and forth several times in the swim area.

I remember when I first started swimming in the lake. The length of the swim area felt pretty long. I had to stop and rest to get from side to side, and I had to rest at the end of each length. Now it feels too small for me. 

When other women ask questions on the Facebook page I created for women who swim outdoors in Seattle I always tell them that it takes time to figure out how to “do” lake swimming. I’m proud of how far I’ve come in four years. 

I started swimming to rehab my leg after an accident and surgery, and I only swam in the lake because the pools were closed during COVID. I never had plans to become an open-water swimmer, to swim year-round, to ever wear a wetsuit. Now I cannot imagine my life without it. All of it. Swimming during the summer, swimming in a thermal wetsuit in 45 F water in January. I’ve always hated being cold, but something about swimming in cold lakes feels essential. I have to do it. It has been the only thing that can noticeably change my anxiety, soothe my nervous system, and reset my mood. 

Tonight it was a clear path swimming. Hardly anyone on the water or in the water. I still had a jerk in my head for most of the swim, and even though I was running through scenarios around finding a way to co-exist with the jerk, I was frustrated that I couldn’t shake the stress. I do not like my life, my baggage, and ugly things intruding on my swimming peace. 

I tried to swim in the water that was deep enough to keep the milfoil far from my hands. The water was dark, and I could barely see the tops of the stalks. It almost reminded me of the opaque lake water in Sweden. I tried to remind myself to use the water to block out the crap in my head. Just breathe, try to move in a straight line. 

There was a guy fishing off of his paddle board. I thought of swimming up to talk to him, then decided I needed to stay focused. I was curious about what he was hoping to catch because I haven’t seen any fish in a couple of weeks. I wondered how big fish in the schools I saw are now. I have been so exhausted for the past month because of the jerk, so it was all I could do to maintain my breast stroke. 

I turned around, and started swimming back toward the cement dock. I stopped and treaded water for awhile so I could look out at the mountains. Then I took my time swimming back to the swim area. I went in circles a few times, but then I moved into shallower water so I could use the milfoil to guide me. 

I reached the swim area faster than I wanted to, then crossed it too quickly. I took some time to float on my back and appreciate the relative calm of the lake today. 

I was excited to run into my friends T, B, and R. We sat and chatted on our bench. There were so many ducks on the grass and in the water. The geese were over in the swim area, but some of them were starting to come into the beach. I wondered if the ducks and geese liked each other, if they were territorial, if they tolerated each other. 

I’ve never seen them fight, but they tend to stay with their groups. After a nice chat we all walked to our cars, then stood talking in the parking lot as it was getting dark. In the distance we saw M, our other park friend who feeds the ducks. 

It was a lovely, Hopperesque scene. M and the ducks framed by the cutout of the beach building. The light from the building illuminated them but the background was dark. T got a great photo of it, but my old iPhone does’t take great photos at long range in the dark. 

Now I’m home, and I’m tired. I’m really tired of conflict and challenges that feel too big and that take me away from what’s important. 

I hope tomorrow is better. Thank you, friends. Thank you, lake. Thank you, ducks and geese. You are everything.