One Day at a Time

August 5, 2024 Monday

Wind: from S 4.1 m/sec (9 mph); Air Temperature: 22.0 °C (72 °F); Water Temperature: 24.24 °C (76 °F)

Today at the lake it was still warm at 7:30pm, but there was a cool breeze. A little topless girl on a scooter passed me on the walkway to the beach. A few seconds later a woman came jogging after her. 

The grassy area in front of the beach is nasty now. The brown, brittle grass as been trampled away, and it’s mostly bare hard dirt. There was goose poop everywhere. I thought they should hire some herding dogs to patrol the beach. 

There were people at the two picnic areas and several clusters of people in the water. There were lots of geese in the shallow water and on the pebble beach, and the wakes from the boats were rolling in, challenging their footing. I could see that there was a pretty clear swimming path from the swim area toward the boat launch and felt relieved that I wouldn’t have to concentrate too hard on safety today. 

I love that the ducks and geese own this lake. It is theirs, no question. They’re not jerks about it; they share. But they do not yield. Today there were so many geese. I’ve never seen so many geese in the water and on the beach. Maybe like everybody else they are needing to stay cool in this hot weather. I waded through them, and dove into the water. 

I ditched my swim cap because I wanted to feel the cold water against my scalp. It was soothing, but then I had to deal with hair in my eyes for my entire swim. It was worth it to have that sensation around my head. I rarely experience that since I always wear my yellow cap for visibility. In winter I also wear a thick thermal hood. 

I tried to focus on the coolness. I couldn’t see much in the water because I was in deep water and because the water was a bit murky. We have had way too many days of sun and above 80s heat. Too many people in the water. I felt like I could see and feel the difference. The lake needs a break from paddle boards, bathers, boaters, all the people pissing in it, and all the movement. We need a few days of cold and rain, and I don’t think that’s gonna happy for another two months.

There were dozens of milfoil fragments in the water and on the surface of the water, and there were fluffy brown things in the water that looked like clumps of wet dust. I didn’t see any fish today, although I thought I saw some movement at one point. The milfoil looked tired and old, like it was suffering from sun damage. Some of the plants were brown, and some had dark brown areas mixed in with the green. At one point I swam into shallower water, and I had a slight bit of panic because the stalks reached up almost to the water’s surface. 

I swam through it to get to deeper water. The milfoil doesn’t bother me like it used to. I don’t want to get tangled in it, but I’m not afraid of it. I could feel the ends of the tendrils brushing against my arms and legs. I was almost glad to see the milfoil today because I spent the first half of my swim with someone in my head, my crazy landlord who has been harassing me. I haven’t been able to swim because I’ve been so exhausted and ill from his verbal assaults the past month. Now, I have to move because I can’t live with a landlord who makes personal attacks and changes the rules of tenancy at whim. 

Well-meaning friends are shocked by what I’ve told them, but nobody seems to get that when you don’t have money you can’t just call a lawyer and assert your rights. You are stuck in a situation that is wrong, very unpleasant, even threatening. And you have to figure it out, slowly. 

I got disgusted that he was in my mind. NOBODY has ever interfered with my swimming head space before, so I focused on my breathe. I made sure my breathe and movement were coordinated. I thought of the food I would eat when I got home. And eventually, I got back into my swim. And to my friends. Like I am actually so fucked up that I am now thinking, “hey, compared to xxxx, this milfoil has never done anything bad to me.” 

The water was too dark today for sunbeam tunnels, so there was nobody to connect with under the water. My thoughts drifted to a couple of days ago when I drove to the lake just to jump in the water. I was too tired to swim, but I had to cool off. Then in shower there was a little naked toddler, enjoying one of the showers. Her father was with her and had placed her poop-filled diaper in teh space next to the other shower. I looked at it, then at him. He removed it and walked into the men’s bathroom to dispose of it. On what f-ing planet is it ok to leave a pile of shit in a shower space where people will stand? 

I kept swimming and tried to let of that memory. I remembered that I had a lovely time at the park yesterday when I got to see my friends and meet their little dog. It is strange to have so many thoughts while swimming. I am happier when I’m lost in that space where my head is disconnected from all things outside of the lake. But I am also not going to beat myself up for my wandering thoughts today. Sometimes hard sh*t happens, and sometimes it is hard to shake it off. 

I think everyone is too hot, too angry, too confused, too something. Our systems don’t work. Life is too expensive for many of us. There is so much conflict. I don’t know we collectively shift and refocus. It feels like we are leading up to even worse events and attitudes, and only when we have burned everything down will we be able to start over. I feel tense and afraid about all this. 

I was too tired to do much crawl stroke today, so I settled for my goofy, modified breast stroke. I was so happy to have my snorkel. There were a lot of wakes from the boats, and I would have swallowed a ton of gross water. I pulled up a few times to see if I was making any progress moving forward, but I had been swimming in circles. Typical. 

I pointed myself in the right direction to get to the swim area, and tried to visualize swimming straight. I was tired but glad to be in the water. I was in my happy place. It had been hard to let go of the chatter in my head, but I had done it. 

I saw to the edge of the swim area. They finally put up ropes a few days ago. I swam under the rope, then pulled the rope up to allow my two bag to slide under it. I swam into the shallow water. I was looking on shore to see if my friends were there. They weren’t. I walked out of the water and headed to the showers. No diapers today. I rinsed off quickly, wrapped my towel around my waist, pull on my t-shirt, and walk to my car. 

Another swim. Another 30 minutes. Cleansed. Calmer. I can do this.