SeaWitch Don’t Care

Today at the lake it was cold and windy, and I forgot my snorkel. One of my swim buddies, K, cancelled due to “white caps” on the lake. I could see them from my house, but I went anyway. “Cause that’s the kind of woman I am.

I grew up in the midwest, and played outside in the frigid cold winters. Rain or cold or snow never stopped me from running every day. So, cold, wind, and waves don’t mean anything to me unless I get in the water and it’s just too hard. Not gonna quit without trying.

I had a little mix-up with a new swim buddy. I forgot that I was communicating with several people about a swim today. So I got to the beach early because it takes me a long time to get all the gear on. I thought I was texting with L, and I did text her when she didn’t show up, but I didn’t hear back. Then finally, I see someone coming toward me in a wetsuit. We say hi.

I say, “K?” She says, “no, I’m C.” I’m confused cause I thought I was meeting L for a swim and K had cancelled. Then I thought C was someone from the Facebook group, but the C with me is new to the plunge group. Duh. Too many people with the same or similar names. Anyway, as always, I am confused and also quickly distracted by her gear.

She has a farmer Jane wetsuit with a jacket over it, dive flippers, mask, snorkel, and a device that can send SOS texts AND measure water temperature. I shiver while she gets all her gear on. I realize my snorkel isn’t in my bag (Found it in my dish rack when I got home….had to wash it the other day cause I dropped it in something icky), and immediately feel a bit pissed off because I don’t even know how to swim anymore w/o a snorkel. And when the water is rough, that’s when I swallow a ton of water if I don’t use my snorkel. And then I panic about getting sick from duck poop parasites. (I think I should get some Sriracha sauce for my food on nights I swim. The spice will kill the parasites.) My new swim buddy offers me hers, but I decline. I’ve already decided I’m just gonna chill the F out and do a different swim today. I tell her, “I just decided that I don’t get to stress out about the lake. I’m just gonna change my plans.” I’m not even gonna swim. I’m gonna tread water.

We walk in and I start screaming because my lower legs are f-ing freezing. I dive in immediately, and start swimming out to the deep. I swallow a bunch of water. I stop and tread water for a second. Then I swim with the waves and glide across the shallow water. Hmmm. Life theme here: swimming against the wild and crashing waves. But it is the only way to get into the lake, like past the shallow water and into the deep. When I first started swimming in the lake I tried to swim back and forth, parallel to the beach. That’s not challenging anymore. I need to see more of the lake and get deep enough that the seaweed can’t grab me. I need to see if I can make it to the speed limit buoy and back.

I’m not some nitwit who makes extra work for myself; I’m just a square peg with nubs. I have always been this way. Even as a little kid. School was a nightmare because I didn’t “fit” anywhere. The put me in classes with older kids so I would be “challenged,” then stopped me from getting on the bus when the class went on a field trip (and I spent the day goofing off for hours because I didn’t have a class or a teacher. Assholes.) because I wasn’t “really” in that grade. They sent me to the school psychologist because I played with boys at recess (another story for another post…..also, Assholes.) The Brownie and 4-H leaders could not get me to conform. I didn’t try to be trouble. The things they expected of me didn’t make sense. Why is it my fault if my oatmeal cookies taste like bananas? That seems like a bonus. And why is it important that oatmeal cookies be perfectly round and symmetrical? What might seem easy, logical, obvious for many or most almost never works for me.

After decades of living with a chronic disease, and having to do everything the hard way, I finally heard the word “neurodiversity” in grad school in a lesson on inclusive design. One important application of ID is making school more accessible. How to present material in a way that everyone can access and allow everyone to respond to the material as they are able. Thanks to my pretty serious cognitive and memory impairments, I figured out I’m a visual learner. I have to do a whole lot more than attend a lecture or do the reading…..I put in 4 or 5 times more time and still don’t remember most of it. Anyway, I digress…..but this thing of swimming against the waves is kinda what my life is all about. And swallowing water. I could, and sometimes do, get all hung up on the fact that I have had to swallow way too much water in my life and would really like things to be easier, but whatever. No gluten. I don’t want to have do everything the hard way. But it’s just how it is. I just don’t want people thinking I’m a big baby or whatever. I’m a badass. And, I need to do things the way that works for me.

Back to the today at the lake……

Eventually, C and I are in the same place and decide to just tread water and chat, which I really enjoyed. Usually, there is no time for talking. But we just chat away and forget all about the water. After a while I remember that she is wearing diving fins….and that’s why she is barely moving and not breathing hard. Meanwhile, I’m working fairly hard. I alternate between full treading and holding my buoy and just working my legs.

Except I can’t feel my legs from the knees down. It is weird that the rest of my body is comfortable but from the top of my socks to my knees I can feel the cold, especially in the metal in my left leg and ankle. It doesn’t bother me enough to get out, but I make a note of it ‘cause I want to keep track of all the times the metal bothers me. I want to have surgery to have it removed, but also not eager to sit out for however many months it will take for the holes in my bones to heal. I’m not sure if I really feel the cold more in my left leg or if I just think I do because I hate the metal. Maybe it doesn’t matter.

C and I just keep treading water and watching the sky get darker and darker. There are houses right next to the park, so we can see how the rich people live. All the houses are huge and all lit up. Warm, for sure. I’m loving this new beach because I get a different perspective of the lake. Here, it is literally some people’s back yard. Across the lake, more houses, more rich people. C tells me about another swimmer who has gathered people for night swims on the other side of the lake. I can’t remember the name of the beach, but I want to do that. It is amazing how many people are swimming in the lake and in the sound. I think I will eventually have to try the sound, but I am not keen on jellyfish. I think seeing a seal/sea lion would be fine. They are nice, playful animals and won’t bite me or kill me.

Sorry I am rambling …. V tired and hungry.

When C and I get out of the water it is insanely cold. The wind is whipping, and once I take off the wetsuit, it is a full-on sprint to get wet stuff off and dry stuff on. I’m getting better at it. I start with a warm hat, then peel off the wetsuit, the arm warmers, and the gloves. I use my Pack Towl, quickly dabbing at my arms and neck while trying to pull on my giant t-shirt. Inside the shirt I slip off my suit straps and try to towel off my skin simultaneously. Then I try to find the armholes so I can get my arms through the sleeves. Next, I put on my fleece, zip it up.

The problem today is that I forgot a beach towel. I can’t stand for any length of time without getting really dizzy. I also can’t remove clothes without leaning against something. I kind of need to sit, but the sand is wet and cold. I’m leaning against the lifeguard ladder, trying not fall while I pull off my suit. Nobody is in the water so I don’t care that my bum cheeks are exposed for a few seconds before I can towel off and pull the shirt down for modesty (it’s tunic length). I have an impossible time pulling on my pants cause I can’t balance on my bad leg. I finally manage to get them on without fainting, but I had to leave on my wetsocks…and now the inside of my pants is full of sand. I don’t care.

We scurry off to the parking lot. C has a lot of gear to remove, so I pull my car near hers and wait while she gets into her apres-swim stuff. It’s dark, and I don’t want to leave her alone in the parking lot. I drink water and fail at putting on my FiverFingers. I cannot get my toes into the toe sleeves. A man and his tiny daughter walk past and we all start to talk because I talk to everyone. They have a little fishing pole, so we talk about fishing. I tell them I’m a squid jigger. The man says he would like to try it, and the little girl wanders off to look at C’s gear. I think it was a flashlight that caught her eye. C and I finally get ready to leave, so I drive off, and just as I approach the turn to leave the parking lot, a little bun dashes across the road in front of my car. What excellent luck. I do love my buns.

A lovely swim and a ‘lil bun. #winning

OMG> I’m so tired and so hungry.

#openwaterswimming