Swedish Ducks

Saturday, August 26, 2023

Today at the sea, it was windy, so the water was choppy. It rained all day yesterday, and it was still grey today, so I was alone at the beach. There were a few campers over by the diving platform; looked like they were fishing. 

I was excited to see four ducks enter the sea as I rolled up on my bike. I miss my home lake ducks, and wondered if Swedish ducks give an f*cks. I’m pretty sure they don’t, and that’s why I wanted to meet them and swim with them. By the time I reached the dock they had moved on to deeper waters. I hope they will be more friendly next time. 

It’s kind of weird to be all alone at the park. I’m not a fan of solitary swimming. Someone should be at least within earshot if I get into trouble in the water, but I think this is how it’s gonna be. So I will just be careful and not go too deep. My hosts suggested I try swimming in deeper water to avoid jellyfish, but I”m not sure what that intel is based on so need to ask around to confirm. 

I got my gear on quickly, and used the ladder to get into the water. I love the huge semi-circle cement dock. It’s a perfect place to park my shoes and clothes while I swim. And there are benches if I need to sit, which I do when I put on my shoes. Also, flags. So I never forget where I am. I love the idea of flags at the beach. 

From the dock I can see the next village, and my new friend said there is a British guy who lives here who is trying to host a free meeting place for people to gather. Like a pub, but byob. I would go. 

Anyway, the water. Was. Perfect. Cold but not freezing. Not even shocking cold. I think I’m so chubby that I have enough natural insulation to swim sans wetsuit for awhile. Sweet. 

Friends

At first I didn’t see as many jellyfish, and the few I saw seemed to be quite low, underneath me. Is that because of the rain, or is the word out about me and they were trying to avoid me, too? Then, just as I thought I was safe, lots of big ones floated toward me. I’m trying to master a smooth sweep rather than a panicked swat to gently redirect them. 

Yesterday, when I was unsuccessful at finding a bus to a bigger town and wandering the streets of the village in the rain, there were hundreds of little snails inching (or, centimetering) across the sidewalks. There were so many of them that I had to walk slowly and keep my eyes glued to the sidewalk because I didn’t want to accidentally kill one or five. I also didn’t want to slip. Ever since my accident I am pretty afraid of falling again. I did fall last summer and sprained my ankle/leg pretty badly, so I’m not being paranoid. Even when I’m careful I have balance issues. 

I’ve been reflecting on this killing thing because I am here to enjoy nature, immerse myself in it. I don’t want to disrupt or hurt any of the little creatures I encounter. It’s a bit spooky being in new water, especially since I can’t see too well, so I don’t know what weed or plant of creature will appear. It weighs on me. This entire trip weights on me. It’s much harder than I realized it would be.

This is my first real post-COVID adventure. I don’t have my rollator, which gives me stability for walking distances and greatly reduces my cognitive load because I know I’m relatively safe and stable while walking. Without it, I have to pay so much attention to everything I do, everywhere I go. It’s exhausting. I’m also riding a bike that’s not mine, so I’m not fully used to it. My shower is on the third floor, so I have navigate three flights of stairs to get there, and that’s really hard for me on the way down when I have my arms full of clothes, shoes, a wet towel. I tripped today and fell into two heavy doors. Luckily, I was able to catch myself, but the door flew open. I was so worried it would slam backwards and break the glass, but it didn’t. I was more worried I’d fall on cement steps. I sort of did, but caught myself. 

We learned about cognitive load in grad school. If a user (of a system, product, app, website, etc) has to think too hard, it’s not great for usability. With my messed up brain that has trouble with processing and working memory, the world is a minefield. I just can’t figure out anything until I crash into it. I hate it. Mostly I hate it because I cannot have another major accident. It broke me last time, and I’m finally starting to feel like myself again after 5 years. 

Back to the water…. Swimming is great for me because I feel safe in the water. Even here, where there are unknown and new variables in the water, which are increasing my cognitive load in a way I don’t like, I’m still enjoying my swims. I can be in the water and splash around, propelling myself forward. I’m not gonna run into anything. I’m not gonna be run over my anything. And it’s pretty unlikely I’m gonna bump into something big enough to eat me or hurt me. I’m fully prepared to have the sh*t scared out of me, but I don’t want that to happen. At the very least, I’m not gonna fall. The water supports me in all ways, most important, mentally & emotionally. 

Spinning

I’ve been struggling with vertigo since I got here, and it’s driving me crazy. I can’t sleep very well because I’m a thrasher, but every time I move, I get vertigo and feel like I’m gonna ralph. I’ve been trying some exercises to make it go away, but it just feels worse. That might be a good sign. I will try again today and tomorrow, and if I’m still wiggy on Monday, I have to see a doctor to get physical therapy. I had it really bad a year ago, and it took several home visits before the PT got it to clear. Ugh. I hate it. 

So, swimming in new water is really the least of my worries. It makes me feel good about myself. It feels relaxing even though it’s exercise. And it’s a lovely way to get to know this place. And, the vertigo does’t bother me in the water. 

Now I’m rambling. I had the option of buying regular peanuts or peanuts with the Swedish soccer logo on them. Guess which ones I bought? The soccer peanuts, of course. I mean football peanuts. Why? Because they have the same little signs here where it shows the price per ounce/gram, and the football peanuts were cheaper! I’m learning. 

Also, they have the cutest little pastilles in colored packages. I need to figure out the flavors and buy some because I want the little box. 

OK. Bye. Be Safe. Be Weird. And don’t take and crap from anybody! BAM!!!!!